


breathe

by yumetourou



Category: K-pop, The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, References to Suicide, bbangkyu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 14:07:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20359762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yumetourou/pseuds/yumetourou
Summary: just breathe





	breathe

**Author's Note:**

> hey! idk how to phrase this, but there are some strong references to suicide throughout most of this, so if that makes you uncomfy then please don’t read it!

Headlights painted the streets with streaks of red and white, the red lanes looking uncannily like streaks of fresh blood. Younghoon dryly laughed to himself, what gruesome thoughts to be having. Flickering lights from apartments across the way cut through the darkness shrouding Younghoon’s vision. He couldn’t help but wonder who would be awake at this hour, besides him, that is. His mind wandered, pondering about the stories of the people behind those lights that flickered briefly, and those that stayed on. He wondered if any of those stories were similar to his own.  _ Silly boy,  _ his mother’s voice echoed in his head. Of course none of them would have similar stories to him. He was utterly alone in this world. In a world growing in population and diversity, of course no one’s story would coincide with his own. In a world like that, no wonder his loneliness grew as well.  _ What a time to be alive,  _ he thought to himself,  _ or not.  _ This wasn’t the first time he had come to the rooftop with the vague intent to jump, and he wasn’t sure if it would be his last. He was never sure if it would be his last. He swung his feet, which were dangling over the edge of the building. He couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if his shoe fell off. If it hit someone, would it cause any damage? He was quite high up, after all. Imagining the news headlines caused a smile to dance across his lips. ‘Pedestrian hit in head by shoe lost by dumbass sitting on roof.’ Hah! Imagine that! He thought that if he were to make the news, that would be both an interesting and embarrassing way to do it. But then would come the questions as to why he was on the roof in the first place, a scenario that caused so much dread to grow in his gut that he almost threw up. Shuffling backward so his whole body was on the rooftop again, Younghoon removed his shoes before letting his legs dangle once more. No opportunity for questions to be asked, no need to ever have to answer them. It then hit him how ridiculous his situation was. There he was, sat on a rooftop in the dead of night, considering jumping, and he was worried about his shoes falling off and hitting some innocent pedestrian in the head. How ridiculously pathetic. He couldn’t help but laugh, both at himself and the world. He laughed until he cried, and cried until he laughed again. But how, he wondered, in such a brash display of emotion, could he still manage to feel nothing? But then again, had he ever felt anything? In that moment, the answer was yes. Fear. A shuffle and a cough from behind him scared Younghoon shitless, to put it bluntly. 

“Are you finished crying?” Younghoon’s cheeks grew warm with shame. 

“How long have you been up here?” Though Younghoon’s heart was racing and his fear was threatening to get the better of him, he was also slightly intrigued. His night was becoming interesting, the first time it had ever been in the countless times he had sat on a rooftop before. 

“I actually only just came up here when you finished crying. I was waiting behind the door, I didn’t want to interrupt.” 

“How awfully polite of you.” Younghoon didn’t bother hiding the scorn from his voice. He didn’t particularly  _ want  _ to hurt this stranger, but he also didn’t care enough not to. “Come here to save my life? To be my knight in shining armour, my prince charming?” The footsteps stopped, and Younghoon could feel a presence behind him. 

“No.”

“To push me, then? You’re pretty shit for a hitman, if that’s the case.”

“Not that either.”

“Then what are you here for? Some kind of adrenaline junkie late night stroll?” 

“I came to jump.” The stranger replied so quickly he nearly cut Younghoon off. “I’m assuming you did too?”

“Yes and no.” Younghoon heard a shift and suddenly the stranger was sitting beside him. 

“Care to elaborate? I’m Changmin, by the way.” Younghoon thought Changmin might have extended his hand, but it was too dark to tell. 

“Well Changmin, I’m Younghoon.” Younghoon paused, thinking of how to describe his situation, his reasoning. “I come up here often.” 

“Often? How often?” 

“You’re awfully inquisitive for someone I’ve just met.” 

“And you’re awfully boring for someone who answered ‘yes and no’ when asked if they’re planning to jump off a building.” Younghoon sighed, letting a silence as suffocating and as liberating as the darkness of the sky fall over them. A silence that seemed to stretch on forever. 

“I come up here often, because I often think I might jump. I haven’t yet, obviously, but I never know if I will. Something about the opportunity to do it makes me think. What about you?” At this point, the two were close, close enough that Younghoon could feel Changmin shrug. 

“No clue, really. I was just laying in bed, and I thought ‘what if I did it?’ Usually I’m able to remind myself why I shouldn’t, but tonight I just couldn’t. So here I am. What do you think about to change your mind?”  _ That’s the thing _ , Younghoon wanted to say,  _ my mind is never changed.  _ But you don’t say that to someone you just met, even if you met in rather uncommon circumstances. 

“Usually just silly things. Tonight, for example, I thought about the fact that my shoes could fall off and hit someone in the head. So then I took them off and started laughing.” 

“So you’re telling me I nearly tripped over your  _ shoes?  _ That could’ve killed me!”

“Isn’t that your goal? To die?” Younghoon was trying to make a joke, but the phrase came out more matter-of-factly than intended. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Changmin gave a slight chuckle, though it was void of any emotion. Younghoon knew that kind of laugh well. “You said you come up here often? Have you ever met anyone before me?” 

“No. And if anyone’s seen me up here, they haven’t tried to strike up a conversation. Just me, alone.”  _ Alone _ . Younghoon hated that word some nights, hated that it had become him. Or had he become it? Either way, they were one. Tears ran down his cheeks, and if not for his shaking breath, he didn’t think Changmin would have noticed. 

“Hey, whoa, are you crying?” Younghoon didn’t reply, he simply let Changmin embrace him. He buried his face into the soft fabric of Changmin’s coat, relishing in the warmth of the other. He liked Changmin’s warmth, because he had spent so long being so, so cold. He wondered if Changmin was always this warm. He didn’t want Changmin to jump, to leave him behind in a world that made him so terribly cold. 

“Don’t jump, Changmin.” His words were muffled against Changmin’s shoulder. “I’ll be so lonely and cold if you do.” Younghoon felt Changmin’s breath against his cheek. It was hot, and the sensation sent a dull electricity through Younghoon’s body. In the back of his mind, he wondered how someone as warm as Changmin could hurt as bad as he did. 

“I’ll stay.” Changmin’s hand had somehow migrated to Younghoon’s thigh, which he was gently rubbing. Despite the slight shivers it gave him, Changmin’s hand helped calm him ever so slightly. “I’ll stay, Younghoon. Just breathe.”

*

Younghoon didn’t know what Changmin was to him, or what he was to Changmin. What were they? 

The soft sheets pressed against his back as Changmin pinned him down. 

He did know, however, that Changmin made him feel less empty. In more ways than one. 

He was still cold, and Changmin was still warm. Especially his breath against Younghoon’s ear, and his lips against Younghoon’s skin. 

“Are you scared?” Changmin was barely audible. “If you’re scared, just breathe.”


End file.
